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The baby arrives, and joy fills the household. The transition from being a couple to being a family begins. There are many decisions to be made concerning the baby. Many couples do not consider all the changes to their life completely. Possibly, they do not know the emotional impact a baby will have on their lives. The parents must decide how they will conduct their lives as a family. If the decision is made to put the child into daycare, there is a need to deal with sick baby days, picking the child up from daycare, evaluating the type of care the infant is receiving, and ultimately the guilt of missing a majority of the child’s waking hours. If the family decides the mother (or father) will stay home with the child there are other considerations. Dealing with a loss of income, dealing with the emotional needs of both parents, and keeping balance in the husband wife relationship are some considerations of the stay at home parent (Most often stay-at-home mom).
The first consideration usually dealt with when a mother decides to stay home is the financial one. How will the family deal with a significant loss of income? Surprisingly, this can be dealt with quite easily. People often do not consider how much money is spent in the process of working. Lunches out, dress-for-success clothes, expensive outings with co-workers, gas, car, travel expenses, are only some of the direct costs incurred while working. Other costs include convenience foods for the family, dinners out when one is too tired to cook, keeping up with the trends of the working world, and the quick stops at expensive shops because they are on the way home from work.
When the daily costs of going to work are tallied, often a woman will find they have very little take home pay. The individual making $35,000 a year may only have a net of $8,000 after expenses. This can be a large chunk out of a family budget, but it is a small amount when a person considers what they are missing. Eating at home, coupon cutting, driving an older car, and seeking entertainment that is not costly are some places to begin. In the early years, children are not the best travelers, so expensive vacations will not be missed. Seeking to buy only things that will enhance the family’s time together will help to cut out unnecessary spending. The luxuries and prestige of work can be consuming, but time with a child might be a priority that is lost in this route.
It is difficult to imagine giving up some of the luxuries that are inherent in going to work each day. When the child is first born, and the mother makes the decision to stay home to care for the child, small luxuries like taking a long shower, getting dressed in attractive clothes, and traveling solo in the car seem like great losses. It is as though the woman has been immersed in a completely different culture. A place where there are bad smells, dirty laundry, throw-up, and exhaustion. It does not sound appealing so far, but the alternatives are equally demanding. The working parent worries about the child when she is at work, worries about work when she is with the child. Fears the child is suffering in daycare, and feels that work is suffering because of parenting demands. The working mother who wishes to be home is constantly torn between the two worlds that demand her presence and attention.
Staying at home requires adjustments. It can mean sacrificing attachments to work friends, and seeking out other mothers in the same situation. It is rare for a working mother and stay-at-home mom to find connections. The cultures are like separate realities. Being at home requires one to find kindred spirits who also must save money, entertain their children, and guard their sanity. It is important for the stay-at-home parent to make time for themselves. They may have a hobby, or exercise regimen that makes them feel human. It is important that the spouse working outside the home understands the psychological needs of the caregiver. Sometimes in a relationship, the person working feels they are bringing in the money, so they should be able to relax when they come home. This kind of thinking can cause the deterioration of the relationship. It is important that both parties take into consideration the struggles of parenting. The working spouse needs to support the caregiver by giving her time for self-development. The stay-at-home mom should also be aware of the fatigue experienced by going to work, and coming home to a new baby. This person should have some down time also.
Together the parents must support each other. People outside the relationship may have helpful advice, but not everyone deals with the stress of parenting effectively. It is important to evaluate the relationship of the person offering advice, before accepting its validity. Parents who strive to meet the needs of their partner will have an open perspective, and be willing to adjust to the stress of parenting. Parents who struggle and ultimately work together to build a family are the ones with stable relationships, and positive self-growth.
Making the choice to stay home with a child is a difficult one. Sometimes parents struggle for years with this issue. Most parents who make this choice are engaged in raising their children, and invested in their family’s outcome. It involves sacrifice and commitment, but the welfare of the child and the family unit flourish from the time and love that becomes the career of the stay-at-home parent.
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